When I was a little girl, I was blessed by my dad having horses in our backyard. Missy, Shadow, and my pony Lucky were my three best friends. Everyday after school I’d get off the bus, walk up the long driveway alongside our barn, and they’d greet me at the fence line. After going up to the house, getting a snack and changing out of my school clothes, I’d head right back down to the barn. Most days I’d saddle up one of the three and go out by myself on a long trail ride. After riding I’d clean their paddocks, feed them, and usually do some project I concocted around the barn. Whether it was cleaning the tack room, building some homemade jumps, or painting signs for their stall doors, the little ramshackle barn in my backyard always gave me something to do. Little did I know, it also influenced the person that I became.
What I’ve been reflecting on lately is how much my backyard horses taught me about how to live life on life’s terms. I have so many friends who are struggling right now, and I too lately have been feeling the uncertainty of midlife. Truly feeling our feelings, negotiating our ever changing relationships with our kids, moving into new or changing careers, learning how to come to terms with what our lives have become…..at some point we stop dreaming for the future we want and start to recognize the realities of the life that we have, and the recognition of that reality can sometimes bring us up short. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed, helpless, lost, and defeated.
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| Me and my dad before a ride |
What I did today, at the end of a week where I felt especially lost and confused, was to get on my pony and go for a long trail ride. No agenda, no plans, nobody but me and him. Following the trail through the forest, at some point I dropped into gratitude for the ability to get out there and clear my thoughts. I began to realize that being with the horses gets me practicing some really powerful ways of being….actions and attitudes that help me feel better about myself and the world around me. I recognized that these ways of being are simply really good coping skills; that the things the horses require of me actually help me live my life! Many of the lessons I got from horses are things people today pay big money for at retreats, workshops, and on therapist couches. How grateful I am for my time spent with the horses….I realize they gave me a priceless gift….the gift of how to be a responsible, resilient, courageous, creative, and independent nature lover!
Responsibility: The horses couldn’t feed themselves or clean their own paddocks, so I learned at a very early age how to be a responsible caregiver. I remember days that I was tired or days that it was pouring rain and I DID NOT want to go down and do my barn chores….but I did. And that taught me how to be responsible and how to show up for life NO MATTER WHAT.
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| Out on the trail |
Resiliency: All those times out there with the horses when I struggled to get something done and failed taught me not to give up just because something’s hard. I remember after I cleaned the paddocks, I’d have to dump the manure in our dumpster. My dad had built a ramp so that we could push the wheelbarrow up to the lip of the dumpster. Oh, how many times I overfilled that thing, pushed as hard as I could to get it up the ramp and in doing so lost the wheelbarrow into the dumpster! Climbing into that thing to fish the wheelbarrow out taught me to bounce back and not give up when things went wrong (and, I eventually learned not to overfill the wheelbarrow too!).
Courage: I was lucky that my parents trusted me to go out on the trails by myself….this was, however, only after MANY YEARS of me riding with my dad, being schooled on how to be safe and not get into trouble. But after I proved to him that I was ready, my time spent alone out there was full of adventure and remain to be the best memories of my life. My favorite thing was to ‘trailblaze’ (which is probably now called ‘trespassing’!), and being courageous always gave me such a sense of confidence. I see so many women these days afraid to be by themselves. I feel blessed that those days on the trail got me comfortable with being alone and knowing that I could always get myself out of a jam.
Appreciating Nature: To this day a beautiful view, a tree lined creek, the leaves turning on a crisp fall day bring me back to those days I spent on a horse. With nothing to distract me, just me and the sound of the hoofbeats on the dirt, I learned to look around and notice what was around me. My ears easily hear the soft rustle of the wind through a birch tree, and my eyes are constantly on the lookout for deer, rabbits, coyotes, butterflies, songbirds, quail. When I see the beautiful world that we live in, it makes me grateful for the fact that I get to be part of this amazing thing called life.
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| I even learned how to drive a recalcitrant tractor! |
Creativity: There is a saying that necessity is the mother of invention….well, when you can’t get a pony across a creek or across a ditch, oh boy do you get creative! Whether it was breaking a branch off a tree because I had forgotten my whip or using the steep side of the creek bank to get back on after Lucky rolled me off in the water, I learned to think out of the box and get creative when things weren’t going smoothly.
Independence: Out there on the trail when things went wrong, I knew nobody was going to come rescue me, so I had to get good at helping myself. Tied in with the resiliency and creativity, a great independent spirit blossomed in me and I am blessed to have it still to this day. I remember a few years back I got a flat tire on my horse trailer. I called AAA but while I was waiting I thought “Well why don’t you just try to change it yourself? If you can’t do it, then AAA is on their way and they’ll do it for you.” Guess what?? I did it!! So, I’m not sure I’d have the chutzpa to try difficult things if all those experiences out on the trail hadn’t given me such a belief in my ability to get things done.
